Hello my dears!
It was so great to see all of your ecstatic comments on the A Pocket of Whimsy Giveaway post! That is really going to be so much fun to see who gets to win! We are in a pretty awesome season here on the BFS blog right now, and I’ll tell you why–we have a whole sidebar full of advertisers (Please check them all out!), next week we will be heading down to Linden Tennessee for the big Remembering WWII event (we hope to meet some of you there!), and we just feel really, really good about where the Lord has placed us at this point. All in all, these are blessings, and gracious gifts from the Lord. (Luke 11:9)
A few years ago, while shopping at our local high-quality cotton fabric store, I picked out this scrumptious floral print to be done up in a 1950's shirtwaist dress. A pretty blah story, but I have to say the shirtwaist dress is by far one of our most appreciated, truly vintage, patterns! In fact, we all love this pattern of dress so much, that my sister did a post on it a while back. There are some dresses that we have tried that just don't fit the bill, and others, well, the instructions weren't up to par. So if you are ever vintage pattern shopping, do look for this shirtwaist pattern!
Okay, dress talk aside, I want to talk about something a little deeper. Something personal. A struggle I have, and I want to know if there are other girls who struggle with the same issue. The subject? Conversations at Church, or around your fellow homeschooled girl friends.
A long time ago in my childhood, this issue of good conversation didn't really matter to me so much. If there was nothing good to share amongst my gaggle of friends, no problem! We would just go and play a game to use up our abounding energy. But now... well, as a young woman, you don't just go roughhouse after Church right? Certainly not! You are expected to act like a grown up and stand around having conversations with your peers. You know what I am referring to–the large empty circle of air edged with a circumference of well dressed young ladies who talk about anything from the latest movies all the way to the daily drudge of school or work. In my opinion, this is just not satisfying. And I know that deep down, these girls have a lot more in them than what I see on a weekly basis. To be honest, I am really not sure what I want out of a circle of girl friends, be they from Church or elsewhere, but it really does get boring when there is nobody who wants to talk about things like: how the Lord has been working in your life; what does one think about the turn of events in the world right now; discussing how one might go about interpreting a certain passage in scripture, etc. And if not that, then why not talk about personal struggles and how to get over them, learning each other's strengths and weaknesses, and on the whole, building good relationships. That is what I want most, to build good relationships that will last through the years, no matter how hard life gets, and knowing that you can rely on these young women for support.
In hindsight, I could have changed a lot of conversations in the past by asking such questions, but what do you do if you feel like the people you are talking to don't want to go so deep? Are you supposed to keep waiting and hoping that the next time you meet it will happen that they do? And here is another question: should I even expect this from my peers? Or should I look elsewhere for these kind of conversations?
What drives me nuts is that there are so many young ladies I have met outside of our Church/homeschool circles who are not always as likeminded, or else I haven't known for very long, and yet I find myself conversing with them on such matters as loosely presented above. And there wasn't anything unique in the way I went about getting to know these girls better. So, what is it that makes girls want to share or not share? What is it that I am missing? Is there a key element that I am blind to?
One thing that has always struck me as a sure fire way to get to know a person better is to work on a project together. (This is actually something that I hope to do when I am being courted by a young man so that I can really get to know who he is by the way he goes about doing something with a "teammate".) But unfortunately, the only people I have ever had such experiences with have not been a part of our Church/homeschool circles, and they weren't even Christians. One other problem with this way of getting to know someone well is that our family is always so busy with singing gigs that it would be a stretch to try and even host a small get-together with some friends on a normal basis besides Church or homeschool functions.
Dress: Homemade // Hair pins: Lilla Rose Princess Tiara // Shoes: Thrifted // Petticoat: Thrifted
There is one last thing I want to know your thoughts on–I have been told many times by my parents and other wise people that if I can't have wholesome and edifying conversations amongst my peers, then I ought to go to my elders (young mothers and older women in the Church) and converse with them. I have done this many times over, gaining wisdom and satisfaction by it. Have you been taught the same, and if you have, did you received the same wholesomeness by it? So what are your thoughts, ladies? Do you struggle with these same desires to have strong relationships within the Body of Christ as we are taught to have in the letters to the Corinthians?
If you are a social butterfly like me, do you struggle with lopsided conversations?
Do you seek to have wholesome conversations with your peers and fail?
Do you often find yourself talking with the older women instead?
If you are in the other pair of shoes, could you shed some light on this subject and help me understand your way of thinking?
May the Lord bless us all with good companions in the faith!
Much love,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
I too have a difficult time making friends and talking with people, especially at church! First off, there are no girls my age! All of the older ones have babies (and I don't so no I don't have an opinion on child rearing) and the younger ones are still very much in the silly high school phase. But that's life sometimes, especially at a small church.
ReplyDeleteThank you Stephanie! I really appreciate receiving your feedback. It really helps to know that there are more ladies that just me and my sisters going through this. ;)
DeleteLove,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
What a beautiful dress, Jessica! I like its unique color scheme and pattern. Also, your hair is just right. :)
ReplyDeleteI think I know exactly what you are talking about! I'm not a social butterfly, so I tend to enjoy more one-on-one kinds of conversations. Even there, I find myself wishing for more friends that I can trust to talk about the deeper, more meaningful things in life, or to share struggles with. However, I do have a couple of friends I can go deeper with and am blessed to have them. One thing that has helped me with this is attending a Bible study where the guys and girls separate for deeper study after the message, and it has sparked good conversation with women of different ages and stages of life. When you get used to being expected to share prayer requests and speak of things of the Lord, it becomes easier I think. :)
Hi there Paige!
DeleteSo good to hear from you! And thank you for the nice complement. :)
I think that attending a Bible study would most definitely be a wonderful way to draw closer to the young Christian women in your area. Our Church is going to be doing a Bible study sometime in the early part of next year, but we have already opted out to not go because it is too far away (our Church congregants span 45 min. to and hours drive away) so this won't be an outlet for the girls and I right now. But I am glad to hear that you are finding much more meat in the conversations around your Bible study! What a blessing!
Thank you so much for leaving a few kind words! It means a lot!
Love,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
I just have to say that I love that dress. It's so perfectly suited to you.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me want to be good at sewing, but I'm to impatient to ever sew anything to a level like this.
Oh well :(
I can sympathize with you on the conversation thing; unless it's my really close friends it happens much like you laid out.
~Mary
I'm not really a social butterfly at all, but I can identify with your situation. The times when I have felt to be in the best relationships is when I can actually talk about the "deeper" stuff on an equally intellectual level. If we only talk about "fluffy" subjects, then I feel a bit disappointed. And I understand about the "not knowing if I should ask them this or that"! For one thing, I myself would rather not be asked certain "deep" questions--and given the amount of trust that one has to place in another with his or her opinions, I can see many girls having that feeling as well. It's hard to know when to say what. . . .
ReplyDeleteThis dress is lovely on you, Jessica!
dance a real
Thank you for your thoughts Hannah. It is good that we all desire something better and more wholesome rather than just being content with fluff and nonsense! And yes, you are certainly right about the great amount of trust we all have to have in each other to discuss deeper/personal topics. I pray that we may all learn to trust each other rather than judge one another as we are taught in Romans 14.
DeleteThank you for your sweet comment!
Much love,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
P.S. As well as being impatient, I'm also scatterbrained; I meant to add how lovely I thought your hair looked too. :)
ReplyDelete~Mary
Haha! No hard feelings Mary! Thank you!
DeleteSmiles,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
I feel the same way, Jessica. In fact it's something I'm working on right now, actually, calling other girls up to more life-giving conversation. Not that talking about our day to day lives isn't life-giving- it's actually quite relateable. But wouldn't it be even better to ask what the Lord is teaching you? Anyway, just my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHannah
Yes exactly! Thank you Hanna for sharing your thoughts and the progress you have made in this area of your life! I hope your sisters in Christ revive your prodding well.
DeleteThankful,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
I am quite the social butterfly but I struggle with rather lopsided conversations too!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing- I love the dress!
Blessings,
Grace
Lovely print on your dress! You look great in it!
ReplyDeleteFirst, you look lovely Jessica! Second Yes! I understand about having desires for deep conversations with peers. I will say (just from observations within my circle) that sometimes it can require a level of personal growth (maturity) to be able to discuss things like this with other people. I don't mean to say that people who do not discuss things are immature, but having deep discussions is something a lot of people have to learn to do and have enough courage to do it. Just this past month, I left a circle of younger people and went to join the adult conversations. I have to admit that even though I am not married and don't have any kids of my own, I love to sit in on conversations by mothers and listen to what they are learning and how they home school their kids. I admire your desire to have meaningful conversations. You and your sisters always impress me by your thoughtfulness in your posts. Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteI know just what you mean regarding your satisfaction in joining a conversation with a group of mothers! I love to do this myself, especially when there is nothing else to use your fellowship time in. I must say that there have been many times in which sitting next to my Mom and listening to her converse with her friends has made me all the wiser because of their hands on experiences in life and how they work through difficult days or small around-the-house catastrophes! It enlivens my spirit to want to be like them! And isn't this how it should be? The older women teaching the younger in wisdom and love? Yes!
DeleteThank you my dear for sharing your own trials and triumphs in this area of living life to the fullest!
I so appreciated reading your comment!
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
Beautiful Dress! I love the purple color!
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are talking about in a sense. I don't have a lot of "friends" so to speak. We just don't get out much. I have 8 siblings, and we are a very busy family.(we run a family business, I have my own business, and we homeschool). I have gone through times when I bemoan the fact that I don't have any friends my age that I can relate to or, I don't have a close friend I can talk about deep things to. But, that being said, I have found that God has used the "no friends thing" to draw me closer to my dear Mama, and slowly, my sisters and brothers. My focus has been turned towards making friends of my own family. And God has given me the grace to find contentment here. I don't mean to say that I don't go through times of complaining or discontentment over my lack of outside friends, Because I do, and sometimes frequently. But I am so thankful for the opportunity God has given me to find my best friend in my mom. She has much wisdom and maturity to glean from. I hope this is encouraging in some way!
Blessings,
Victoria
Hello Victoria!
DeleteWow! What a blessing to have your eyes opened up to the fact that our siblings can indeed be our best friends! I have been learning this too, especially in the past few years. I used to have girl friends who were very like minded with me in just about every area of life, but due to a long distance of miles between us, I don't get to fellowship with them as often. Email and phone calls are definitely a great way to bridge the gap, but I cant interrupt their day to day lives all the time. And that is when you begin to realize just how wonderful it is to have two younger sisters who are living through what you have already lived through two and four years ago, and now you get to help them, and they you by encouragement and an ever growing sense of needing one another's company. God is very good to show us these things is He not?
Thank you for bringing this important aspect of good fellowship to the table Victoria!
Much love,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
This problem doesn't end when you are older, unfortunately. For some odd reason, many times when our family is in a church or other type of gathering, the women's conversations tend to be on the everyday happenings, and more shallow types of topics, but the men's tend to end up delving into deeper topics. I often find myself wandering back to my husband's side to listen in on their conversation, which I find so much more interesting!
ReplyDeleteNow, this very well could be my own fault...why do I not bring up the deeper more meaningful topics? Why do I tend to just go along with the flow of the conversation rather than asking meaningful questions of others? Maybe from shyness, or a reluctance to expose the deeper parts of myself to others; I'm not sure. This is a great topic, and one we all should definitely examine!
Hi Mrs. Ramm!
DeleteWhat a pleasure to hear from one of our best advertisers! I cant believe that even you would have a hard time being satisfied with the content of conversations you witnessed in your Church circles... but then again it really isn't that hard to imagine. And yes, sitting around listening to the men talk has always been a kind of delight for me! I always learn so much from what they have to say, and even the younger young men in our Church hold some pretty heated conversations, or debates I should say, regarding the politics of today, Church history, and music. They are the most fun to listen to! Haha!
I am so grateful to know that there are a lot of young women and even older women like you who are looking out for ways in which to further our growth as Christians, whether it be through conversations, reading Gods word, studying it in greater depth... These are all things we should never allow to remain lukewarm!
May God be glorified!
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
Thank you for your posts.I would like your encourage your viewers to look into a prayer group starting soon. Please go to nakatsus.com/katey/
ReplyDeleteYou can make a difference one prayer at a time.
God bless!
Rose
Thanks Rose! I will look into this!
DeleteLove,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
I am not good at starting a conversation, or leading one. Sometimes I get excited and talk a lot, but that's not the same thing... I'm not sure what kind of answer I can give you here; conversations just go, one way or another. I don't have many friends of my own (like Stephanie Lynn, I'm alone of my age in the church in my hometown at the moment), and being that kind of person does not help; but when I meet with friends of my sister's from the church she goes to now, etc., it's just a fine conversation where anything can be covered, and if it goes deeper, well, so it does. I guess. At this point, my closest friend to discuss things with is one of my sisters; but, really, as I said, these things come and go. And yes, I've often had older friends. I thought it was part of me being a youngest sister, but maybe it had more to do with the fact the conversations were more interesting.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to say how it happens when it does; I suppose it's mostly a matter of being comfortable both with one another and the place you're in, and maybe standing in a circle after church with other people around is not so conductive to it? Maybe if you could, instead, sit down somewhere, meet in each other's homes, and not necessarily in an organised way. Just make time for one another. I was somewhat lucky in my childhood years in that there's a park around our church, so if we wanted to go somewhere more private and talk (even if not necessarily about such deep things), we could do it safely. So while it did not necessarily carry on - there were not many children in our church and many of those people moved awayfrom our town before we grew into deeper conversations - it gives me the idea that maybe that's it...
I'm also wondering, do you ever meet other than Sunday? When there were more young people around my and my sisters' ages in our congregation, we also had meetings in the week - some biblical program led by the pastor, and singing, and talking. And we would sometimes go to various youth events together. For several years, we went camping / hiking with the pastor in the summer, or the majority of us would go to the same YMCA camp. It was a chance to meet on our own terms, if that makes sense, while having some spiritual leadership. Of course there was also a lot of silliness involved, what with us being teenagers, but... while we don't stay in touch regularly, when I meet with those people again, it's easier to start a conversation somehow.
And I think you're onto something about doing something together. For example, that one weekend with my fellow editors of our youth magazine was a fantastic time for talking about lots of things, including things deeper (and I'm looking forward to doing it again this year!).
Well. That was rather confusing, I'm afraid. I think it boils down to - yes, doing something together, on your own terms, helps. Sunday is sort of a set apart day, and of course one wants to be on their best behaviour, and sometimes that may hinder more natural relationships.
Enough of that! Lovely dress, and lovely photos. Father noticed the first photo when I opened the post, and used a very poetic Czech word to describe it. Sadly, it's hard to translate. We've settled on something like "nostalgic yearning". :-)
Thank you Hannah for your wealth of thoughts and for sharing your Dad's poetic words! What a comfort!
DeleteWe don't often meet outside of fellowship after Church, and that is one thing that I long for. What with our schedules and all, I just don't think it could be a possibility right at this moment. and you and Victoria bring up very good points about relying on your sisters or even brothers for good fellowship and confidential speech. These are things that today's society wants us to forget I am afraid! And how sad too! The Schools wish to divide up all the children into their own age devisions so that when siblings have any time to themselves they just want to go with the flow of the world and hang around their peers. This is wicked and is a recipe for disaster, and I hope that we might change this way of thinking through the faithful work of homeschooling our children before the Lord. Wow! That was a little bit of a rabbit trail, but I think you get my point. It is hard to go against the flow of the world and thus we just don't realize how much we really need our siblings to be our closest of friends.
Thank you again my dear!
Love,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
Yes, I do get your point. I come at it from a different point of view, not being homeschooled - I think I've been very blessed with siblings who are, so to say, compatible with me. We ended up going to the same university, even having some of the same courses, sharing interests (ranging from our studies, countries of interest to books or music we like), searching for fellowship in the same city... so it evolved naturally from there, and of course the basis of growing up in the same home, with its own "culture". It's great to have a sister who attended the same literary courses you do, and grew up reading the same books you did, so you can discuss them and their influence on you and understand each other perfectly. (And sometimes learn new things about your sibling :-)
DeleteBut people are different, and sometimes the personalities don't match up so well; plus, obviously, there are things you cannot discuss so freely if you have brothers, so you'd need female friends for that. So I think it's important to keep in mind both sides. It's awesome when you can be friends with your siblings, but then maybe it's even awesomer when you can be a group of friends, siblings included? Something like that. Some of my favourite children's books are books by Arthur Ransome, where there's the exact same group dynamic I've experienced, though in a different setting - sibling groups who are friends with one another, and some of them are nearly grown up, so they take on more adult roles, but don't look down on their younger counterparts and do everything together. Maybe it gives you the best chance to know your siblings as people - both as they are with you and as they are with other people - and that's the best basis for friendship?
There's definitely something hopelessly artificial in expecting good friendship in randomly collected groups of children who have nothing else in common than their age and the approximate area of residence, as it happens in schools. And then teachers are exasperated with classes that don't hold together and fight; I've always wondered why they seemed so surprised. (It is, I think, one of the main reasons why everyone says - and experiences - that university / college is much better. That, and the fact that at that point in time, you tend to study things you are really interested in, with teachers who are really interested in their subject. Which goes full circle to the first reason.) Friendships may happen and do happen in such random groups, but it's always a small miracle.
And coming from a country with a very low percentage of Christians, or really believers of any kind, I can also say with certainty that shared faith is a huge factor, and may also be a big reason why I'm friends with my sisters, and their friends. :-)
It's funny, because I've been thinking about this issue of homeschooling and school and age groups and whatever else a lot recently, for a completely different reason - in the Chronicles of Narnia, which I've been re-reading and thinking more of since Spring last year, it says the four kings and queens freed young dwarfs and satyrs from going to school. And I've started wondering what the school system in Narnia would be like and why those two particular groups would apparently be better off homeschooled. Which has led me down a looong rabbit trail of my own, trying to learn more about education, homeschooling experiences and options. :D
Those photos on this post are just so lovely!
ReplyDeleteYou look adorable in that dress!
ReplyDeleteYes...Yes...YES. We go to a church teeming with kids; my sisters and I are pretty much the oldest "children" (two of us in our 20's :D ) and though I LOVE the younger girls, I do feel like conversation is pretty much only on the "Oh, you look so lovely today!" line. (I'm working on it slowly.) Very seldom do I come home from church feeling like I've had much real fellowship with the other younger folks. It's indeed very awkward and frustrating.
On the other hand, I wouldn't call myself an extremely deep thinker unless the subject falls into a couple of my "pet" categories...I don't think fast on my feet, so I tend to stay out of "deep" conversations regarding subjects I'm sketchy on (though I do enjoy listening to them). That may be part of the issue with many girls; they don't know enough to feel confident in speaking. I don't know...it's just a speculation. However, from what I have observed around me, it seems like for the most part, they really don't care. Which is disappointing.
Hello RE Parker!
DeleteVery, very good point!!! Thank you for bringing this fact that "not all girls are comfortable speaking what they don't really know well" (to quote you loosely) to light. Truly there are many times in which we three sometimes get ourselves into holes because we talk about things we don't always have the facts on. And in a sense this is wise not to do, because then your don't look like a fool and ruin your good reputation to be known as the scatterbrain. On the other hand though, if we didn't take the lunge into the dark, how would we learn. Perhaps that is why asking questions is the best way to introduce a meaty subject if you don't know all the facts?
Thank you for your good thoughts on this subject!
Many thanks,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
Thank you everyone for taking the time to share your own personal experiences in this all too familiar struggle in conversing with our fellow saints. I have been rolling over what you all have said in my mind over the weekend, and because of the encouragement I found from some of you, I decided to fellowship with the older people of our Church yesterday, and was very blessed because of that decision. I will not do this all the time I don't think; only when I need to. And I will say that it was so good to know that I am not alone in my thoughts on this. To read your many contemplations was a great blessing to my soul, and I will be prayerful in this aspect of my walk with the Lord. He wants us to share with each other the good things and the hard things. I pray that He will give us the courage to stand up to His standards, and make better use of the time He has given us together.
ReplyDeleteThank you all!
Many blessings be on you all!
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
Your absolutely right! Many times the girls are timid to talk about an important issue they might have or an opinion etc... because they don't know how their friends will react. You know-many of them have to project a certain image of themselves, and are to insecure to "0pen-up" about how they feel or think.
ReplyDeleteLove your pattern of your dress, do you mind telling me what brand/name it is?
Thank-you
ps-shirtdresses are my absolute favorite, plus its best for my pear shape figure.
Happy Fall
Irene
Can I just say that you are sooo spot on with this talk of conversations. Something I have been contemplating in my mind all year and almost thought I was going insane or something. Some of my favorite "conversations" have been with elderly hard of hearing christian women who I unfortunately don't see anymore. I also love galloping around with younger children sometimes because they actually imagine and talk (and even about things that matter).
ReplyDeleteThank You! and have a happy Autumnal Equinox!
Lovely post and outfit, Jessica. Your hair looks adorable like that! =) I have enjoyed reading everyone's responses to your questions in the comments!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you look like you've just stepped out of a 1940s Sears catalog. Second of all, that was an interesting thing you said at the end there. I'll admit, sometimes I'd much rather talk about fashion and music and other worldly things than the bible, much like how people feel uncomfortable worshiping or praying. We know it's the right thing to do yet sometimes we have to admit, there are other things we'd rather be doing. I've been praying about this for a while now. I mean, why don't we get total joy out of doing the right thing? Like discussing more important things. Maybe it's because I'm not as close to God as I think I am. Maybe it's because I don't spend enough time doing it anyways. When we do get to these conversations, I feel that me and my friends can be a little self-righteous, for instance, when discussing how bad the world is getting and feeling as though we are the only ones in this little bubble who have rational thinking. Maybe the reason for our silence on important subjects is merely because we want to appear as though we know a lot about it but are really ashamed by how little we do. At any rate, I do know that it would help if you bring one of those subjects up. I'm always pleasantly surprised by the kinds of conversations that we have when those kinds of subjects do come up.
ReplyDeleteHmm...interesting conundrum. I am not a female, so I guess I shouldn't speculate on this issue, but it has caused me to reflect on my interactions with my peers, and others in general. It made me realize most of the people I interact with are not Christians, and I usually don't try to make things go too deep or else my cover will be blown and my extreme beliefs will be revealed and they'll think I'm a weirdo. The times I'm forced to blow my cover usually turn into blog posts. Haha!
ReplyDeleteBut among Christians, I certainly enjoy deeper conversations. I can't stand small talk, so I understand your frustration. Perhaps correcting the problem just takes a little more intention and conscious effort. Ask questions. Worst that could happen is people don't want to talk to you anymore...oh, wait, maybe that's not so encouraging. Uhh...well, I think that's probably pretty unlikely though. Who knows, maybe others are having the same frustration you are, but are afraid you or others wouldn't want to talk about something deep. *shrug*
I went to a public middle school part-time, and the lunch-time conversations were...less than edifying, to put it mildly. Being an introverted person, I generally just stayed quiet and didn't participate. One day, I don't know what got into me, but I decided to try and change the subject, and somehow we got into discussing politics and even God. It was really interesting hearing public-schooled kids talk about God.
They were all guys, so I'm not sure how different girls typical are when it comes to discussing such topics, but surely homeschooled Christians (who I've found are generally very opinionated) should be much easier to strike up a deep conversation with. It might take a few tries, but I don't think we can bet on a deep conversation arising if the status quo has been shallow talk. Might need to shake things up by coming right out and bluntly asking a difficult question.
But, I might be speaking far out of my realm, so take that with a grain of salt. Very interesting question though.
Hi Reagan!
ReplyDeleteI know, I know, you are probably right in that I should just pick up my game and ask those harder questions, or introduce a heavier topic. I will say that I have once or twice, but only around some of the young men in our Church or homeschool groups. They are, like you, more than ready to discuss things like: the grievances of our society; who you would vote for in the next election; How God has been directing your life, over what brand of jeans they just bought.
There are so many fun twists and turns when debating with guys; I say fun because you don't have to worry about really ever offending them with your own views or opinions. Most girls are not this way (I know because I have two other sisters). We ladies tend to take other young ladies blunt remarks as bullets trying to brake us down and make us look bad. I am not saying that the young women I am around are in any way hostile like this, but I think that we protect ourselves from each other by not entering into heated discussions or rocky topics. That is probably why you had such a neat experience with the public school boys! As we both will admit, guys don't think in the same way girls do. In many ways this is a very good thing, but in the little things, it can be a bit of a curse.
It was a pleasure to hear from you Reagan!
Blessings to you in Christ Jesus,
Jessica
The eldest sister & singer
I saw my mom had commented on this post as well, and so I ended up asking her about what she thought the reason was for this difference between men and women in this area, and she answered almost word-for-word as you did, that women tend to take blunt disagreement as more of a personal jab, even if it isn't. Or at the very least, aren't as comfortable with disagreement. I did not realize this about female culture! Haha! In which case, my advise probably isn't the best idea.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you should try taking a more subtle and Socratic approach. Just ask questions, but never state your opinion or say whether or not you disagree, unless asked to of course. I've found this is generally the best way to debate, regardless of gender. People shut down or feel offended if you openly say you disagree. Instead, find the flaws in their stance and merely ask them to account for them. You support free health care? What makes it free? Free for whom? Who pays the doctors? Where do the people who pay the doctors get the money from? What if someone doesn't want a certain treatment? Should we force them to get it? Why? Is that constitutional? Moral? Etc.
I don't know if that would be more fruitful or not. Maybe you'll just have to experiment, and maybe you could publish your findings in future blog posts. Just a thought.
Thanks for enlightening!
-Reagan
First I just love the dress! As to the issue of friendship and conversation, I don't know if what I'm thinking is encouraging, but it is sympathetic. You and your sisters always seem so mature in the best sense of the word. I can imagine many other girls (although not all) of your age are not ready to have as mature interests and thoughts. However, I am somewhat older, but I still have difficulties is making friendships that are meaningful. I think it is even more difficult in a way once you are a married woman because many married women (even other Christians) like to talk about their husbands too much. They tell too many personal details or talk negatively about him as a means to gain closeness. I am very guarded about what I say about my husband because I think that is what is right and respectful to him. Many women think gossip = friendship. When you have a baby, it is easier in a way because the other women with babies are very eager to talk babies! But after this stage passes it kind of goes back to being more difficult to find people with similar enough interests. And with school age children finding time for maintaining friendships becomes difficult too. It seems we are all so busy no matter what age and there are so many different types of lifestyles now, that it has really made it difficult to find friends that aren't merely casual acquaintaines.
ReplyDelete