You know how sometimes when you walk into your local Goodwill, and you find that certain rather weird item of clothing that you are subconsciously drawn to, and know will "work", even though it may seem a bit big, or wild, or whatever? Well, that's what happened with this dress...
I pulled this bright frock off the rack, held it up to show Mom and asked her what she thought, even though I had already made up my mind that this dress was coming with me to the dressing room. She said that she thought it was cute, though perhaps a little big. I said I didn't care and would make it work, an excited grin spread across my face. When we walked out of the store a little while later, re-used grocery bags filled with our recycled treasures, this dress was among them being my only loot from the trip.
Now I can't go on without mentioning that when I did try it on, we found it short. Too short, as my Dad put it later when we had got home and I tried on the dress for his approval. Well, when I love something, I do whatever I can to make it work. I become the determined little steam engine, chugging up the 85˚ angled hill, resolved to get to the top. And so, little steam engine that I am, I did get to the top, or rather, figured out how to make this dress long enough to fit our family's modesty standards (thank goodness for 1" long hem facing!) :) Although I know it is still right on the edge of being a little too short, I think this dress fine for everyday type of wear, and its lack of fullness helps.
Dress: Thrifted + Altered by Me //
Sandals: ModCloth (my color is no longer available) // Earrings: F21
Sandals: ModCloth (my color is no longer available) // Earrings: F21
There is something that has been laid upon my heart to write about here on the blog, which I think ties right into this outfit post; that is the topic of standards of modesty. I have to be honest and admit that I was and am a little nervous about posting this outfit on the blog. I know all of us have different views on how to interpret the Bible's passages on modesty and women's garments, and I think that is something we all have a right to. We girls have never really posted any outfits that are a bit more on the, well, questionable side for most people in the Christian circle, so I understand if some of you might be disturbed, or even offended at the content of my outfit today (i.e- my dress length being above the knee). Please know that I understand and respect your views. All I ask, however, is that you also respect my and my family's views as well.
We girls have been subject to criticism before on the blog around our views of modesty, and we know that they can be very different than most. They can also be very similar too, however. If you think about it, the condition of the heart on the inside is interpreted by our clothing, hair, makeup choices and physical actions that we display on the outside. So really, if your heart is in the right place, then your clothing choices will reflect that place in your spiritual walk. Now, this is not to say that if I wear an above-knee length dress, then my heart must not be spiritually sound. God puts different convictions in everybody's heart, and it is our God-given duty to respect and honor those positions, and to not cause our brother to stumble because of them (Romans 14:14-23). If you think that my dress is too short, but I don't, then I should respect your position and not cause you to stumble through my convictions. It works both ways, as well. "The kingdom of God is not eating and drinking [or dressing, in this case], but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." (Romans 14:17 NKJV) Personally, I believe that if we are to affront or criticize another's views on modesty, we should first check where our heart is. Are we attempting to evoke peace and righteousness and joy through what we are saying, or is it merely for our own sake of perhaps jealousy or desire to be right? Will we sow seeds of discord, or harmony, forwarding the kingdom of God?
THIS IS ME, TRYING TO TELL JESSICA HOW TO FRAME A CERTAIN SHOT. AH, THE HONESTY OF BLOOPERS.
I know that this can be a controversial subject, so I would love to know: what are your views on modesty and criticizing/affronting others on their own views?
TTFN,
-Charlotte
CREDITS // Author: Charlotte Boyer; Photography: Jessica Boyer; Photos edited with VSCO Film Presets.
I'm actually really happy that you took time to post this. Recently, I've been criticized a lot for wearing "shorts" (not short shorts, or tight shorts, more of a bermuda type) and jeans. I feel no conviction to stop wearing those things and I always make sure they are modest, I ask my father what he thinks and I pray about it a lot. As long as we are not being immodest, I believe that no one should judge another person because God has placed a different conviction on their hearts. With that being said, I have had to watch things carefully and I have made mistakes in my clothing choice, but as long as you keep an eye on it and make sure you are following God's plan for YOU, I think it's okay!
ReplyDeleteAs a mom who rarely reads your blog but my teenager daughter does I must admit I was surprised to see you in an above the knee dress. I understand what you are trying to say but I think if it causes you to wonder if others might be offended or caused to stumble then maybe.....well, one can never be TOO modest. :) You really can't take back what you have caused other's to "see." I guess the real answer would be " If Christ were to come today ( and He sees us all the time) would we be comfortable or ashamed??
ReplyDeleteNikki, I understand your point of view. But I also think it is important to remember that we should be dressing for our God and not for others.
DeleteIf Charlotte feels like her dress is fine, then that is between her and the Lord. The Holy Spirit will tell her IF she ever needs to change her clothes. Her heart is fully after God and for pleasing Him so she can rest in that knowledge and in that freedom. God looks out for his kids!
As someone who's goal is to dress modestly, I have received more criticism inside the church then in the world. This breaks my heart, and it ought not be so.
It's not too short at all! I think it becomes you exceedingly well.
ReplyDeleteBy my modesty standards I wouldn't say this dress is too short. I try to avoid going over 2 inches above the knee. This is a very beautiful outfit! :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE it. Our family rule is below the knees (unless it's for like dancing, then right above the knee like that dress is fine) or unless we have biker shorts under it. It does look very nice on you :) And the sandals look well with it!
ReplyDeleteTheresa
Oh dear, dear, Charlotte. What a beautiful post and pictures and i just love the bloopers. I can tell that you have a heart eager and willing to serve the Lord and i thank you and am in agreement with what you wrote. i can understand your apprehension and how our views can be so different. I think that you are beautiful and modest and you look wonderful in those colors.
ReplyDeletepersonally, i feel fine in things that are slightly above knee, while my older sister does not. like, at all. our dad is okay with it either way. modesty isn't just what we wear, but how we act as a whole.
i've really come to the conclusion to be very laid back about others modesty standards. some girls just don't understand, some girls are just obeying what their dad has asked of them. i've even gotten to where i don't even ask anymore. there's so much more to being a witness than that, you know?
so that got kinda long, sorry, but i just wanted to be a bit of encouragement.
have an awesome, day :)
-Abigail.
We all choose our modesty standards based on our local culture, our parents' and spiritual leaders' teachings, our body type, and convictions placed on our hearts. Charlotte's dress is above the knee (barely) but it is also a loose, unfitted shape that does a great job of concealing her figure while at the same time drawing attention to her bright personality. I don't know her personally but looking at her in this dress I would think she was a fun, outgoing, smart and well-informed girl. I probably wouldn't think first thing, "She's dressed modestly" but I definitely wouldn't think "She's immodest" either. There is no sexual message in her dress at all here, which to me equals a modest dress that is appropriate for a Christian girl to wear.
ReplyDeleteGreat comment! So true about different cultures, families, body types etc. (And I think that bit about body type is important, too, because whenever I see people putting things into inches or so, I think "That doesn't work the same way for everyone.")
DeleteThanks so much for taking the time to post your thoughts and concerns about your outfit! I totally agree with your family's position on modesty. Too often we can get caught up with our standards for modesty as being the only biblical standard and lose sight of the heart of true modesty...
ReplyDeleteI feel comfortable and modest wearing shorts that come above the knee but when it comes to dresses/skirts I don't feel comfortable wearing them above my knee. This is a personal modesty standard! I think the heart of Christ is not extended when we make a certain length to be sinful or ungodly. There are standards, but we need to be concerned about our hearts and actions as well as our dress.
May the Lord continue to bless and lead you and your sisters!
~Rachel
What is considered modest is such a cultural thing! There have been periods of times where it was immodest to show ones ankles and others where large amounts of cleavage were totally acceptable (to the point where women would get portraits painted with nipples showing! eep!)
ReplyDeleteSo for me, I feel like modesty has to be more of a heart issue rather than a clothes issue. You can be completely covered up and still be crazy sexy looking or show your knees and look modest. How you carry yourself and act also has a big impact on whether you are modest or not.
Personally, I like wearing below the knee skirts because I think that is what looks best on me. But I do also wear shorts and two piece swim suits when I (rarely) go swimming.
As a young lady still living with your parents, you are submitting to your father's standards of modesty which is exactly what you are supposed to do. :) And nobody should criticize you for that.
I love that color Charlotte! It's one of my favorite colors and looks nice. :)
ReplyDeleteMy family's modesty standards are basically that dresses/skirts must come at least 2-3 inches below the knee (with pencil skirts or skirts with leggings we can wear just below the knee.) Shirts must fully cover midriff at all times and can't be too tight. Necklines vary with age: :) my younger sisters have to stick to about 1-2 fingers below the collarbone, I can wear about 4 fingers below, but tend to stick to about 3 fingers for comfort. We try to wear sleeves as much as possible, but are allowed to sometimes where sleeveless as long as the top is well fitting so nothing shows.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart today. :) I think as far as affronting others on their views of modesty, it really depends on how immodest the outfit is. There are some things that I believe are blatantly immodest: bare midriff, bare shoulders, showing cleavage, short shorts, etc. If a close friend was continually dressing in such a manner, then yes, I might try and gently talk to her about it (after first talking to my parents.) Other things are in the "iffy" zone, where even conservatively dressed Christians are divided. These are things like: skirts that are at the knee or 1-2 inches above; sleeveless; and to some degree, tighter pants. I think wearing clothes in this area is much more subjective and depends on your family, or what God has laid on you heart. A good rule of thumb if you are trying to decide whether clothes in that "iffy" zone are appropriate for you to wear is this: would you be comfortable being around your dad in this outfit? And (this sounds so cliche, but:) What Would Jesus Think? Another thing to consider is that modesty is very much a matter of the heart: if you're wearing a more "iffy" outfit simply because you like the pattern and aren't flaunting your body, then that's much better than wearing the same outfit because you want to show your friends that you are 'cool' and 'in style.' I think, as an around-the-house-just-with-my-family dress, your dress is fine. :) I probably wouldn't wear it around young men though, simply because it's better to be safe than sorry.
Wow, this is a long comment, feel free not to publish it if it doesn't make sense. :)
Thank you so much for sharing. Your willingness to talk about the potential immodesty of your dress in of itself shows that you have a heart for modesty. :)
In Christ,
Hannah
Hello Charlotte!
ReplyDeleteBeth and I totally relate to your opening statement :) We have found a few things in thrift stores at first thinking " hey this looks weird.... I really like it!"
Beautiful dress Charlotte!
So pretty, as your outfit posts always are! I would say that this is definitely not too short, even for an out and about day. If you did feel kind of uncomfortable with this dress (you don't look that way at all!), what about pairing the dress with some leggings in fall and spring?
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I think you look flat out fabulous in this post!
ReplyDeleteSecond, here's the thing: I've never met two Christian girls with the same modesty standards! Modesty is challenging to talk about because the Bible is not too specific on the issue. There are no guidelines for where our hems should hit etc. I have dear friends who wouldn't wear things I wear, and I have dear friends who wear things I wouldn't wear. I believe the Lord gives us each our own set of standards to best support the life he has called us to. When I came to this belief, I realized how pointless it was for me to say whether another person's outfit was modest or not. That's not my job- that is between them and God. My standards are not theirs, and not only would it be contrary to Scripture for me to judge them, it would be fruitless since we do not have the same standards!
Here is a verse that seems quite applicable to dress, from the same passage you quoted!
Romans 14 1b-5 (ESV)
"One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. "
So I guess my point is: Don't let other people judge how modest you are! That is between you, your parents, and God. Know you are doing what is right for you and your family, and don't worry about what other people think!
I hope you didn't fall asleep reading such a long comment. ;)
In Christ,
-Lauren
My own family has no real rules. I go by my feelings and what I've seen my own mother wear. I don't think we've ever really discussed the matter, actually, because somehow... it just came naturally that we would not expose ourselves. A lot of things in my life happened that way - same thing about e.g. staying out late, and I honestly don't know how my parents managed that!
ReplyDeleteSo my personal standard that I've arrived at through some trial and error is that I feel best in skirts that hit below the knee. I do wear shorts, but not miniskirts now (I did wear shorter skirts as a child). I always wear sleeves / cover my shoulders. And I prefer less revealing necklines, too, obviously, even though I have some garments with rather low necklines that went past my father's approval. I think it's at a similar level as some of your fancier dresses.
Actually, I think my overall standard is very similar to what I see on your blog - which I guess is one of the reasons I really enjoy it, and take inspiration from it!
Also, my standards are influenced by my ability to sew and knowledge to use airy woven cotton blouses and dresses and hats in summer, whereas everyone else in my hometown can wear knit tank tops and still sweat in them. :D
And because of everything described above, I'm also of the opinion that focusing too much on specific rules takes away from the real point.
That dress is a lovely match to your shoes, as other mentioned fits your personality, you managed to bring it to your family's standards, so I'd call it an all around win.